Disclosure

First, I want to thank you again for giving more of your time for us.

There are a couple of things I need to discuss today. As I mentioned in the first post titled "Our Story", I mentioned I am unfamiliar with blogs and how to manage them. Looking over my lack of familiarity with this type of venue, I found a few glaring problems:

1)   Somewhere I have a setting on the site that unfortunately prevents reader’s input, both positive and negative from being posted. I will find how to make these visible for everyone to see. I especially believe it is important to see where legitimate questions are asked that deserve a proper explanation.

2)   Seems I may have done a poor job of filling in some important blanks. I see if I can get more specific details in this and the next post.

Why Did I Handle It The Way I Did?
Included in the comments I found quite valid concern regarding the timing involved in our situation.  Specifically, why we were so slow in notifying our staff and workers who were already assigned to see patients after we became aware we may not be able to pay for services?

I first want to own my responsibility and say I can explain what I did and what I was thinking, but an explanation is not intended to be an excuse. The reader should always feel free to make an unbiased decision regarding whether or not they agree with my actions.

I became aware how serious the situation might be on Dec. 21 and actually began to see some signs a little earlier. My rationale going forward at that time is actually very simple: the government had routinely been threatening me, the business, specific staff members in our office, and virtually everything we did for a very long time. In fact, my wife and I have lived the past three or four years never knowing for certain what the government would or would not do (or when), but the threats had long ago become a part of the never ending and overwhelming daily stress we struggled with. In addition, in multiple recent conversations I had with the TWC, I was simply never told in a manner that made sense that this new round of intimidation would be any different from the last time. Or the time before. Or the one before that. Or….etc... I also apparently had too much faith in common sense, the government, TWC, and certainly the specific individuals involved there.

Forced to retain an attorney we could not afford, I had been assured by virtue of his experience this particular threat, even at if carried out would amount to nothing more than a piece of paper. There was supposed to be several more steps before anything devastatingly severe could occur. In theory he was absolutely correct. However, the reality was that once the state issued their piece of paper, our finance company suddenly panicked and responded in a manner that may actually be illegal. The finance company said it is essentially their money and they don't have to continue business with us if they are afraid of government interference.

Where our rights or their obligation lie in the situation will take a little longer to determine because of the damages we and our staff incurred as well as what their next move is. As of this moment, I would like to believe they may realize their mistake and tomorrow we begin to repair all the carnage together.

What happened had no outward appearance of having the potential to do so much damage. Intentionally or otherwise I was still being led to believe by both the finance company and the state that, at worst, the situation was temporary and probably would not disrupt operations.

I may have made a mistake or exhibited poor judgment, but it is my responsibility to get it right. The instant I did become aware we would have this much trouble, I stopped all operations until I could find the best means to meet my obligations. Right or wrong decision, any staff member who we have had trouble paying, this is definitely a legitimate complaint.
I am still hoping it was not too late.

Self Disclosure
In the first post I disclosed that I suffered a nervous breakdown as a result of constant government interference and what I construe as harassment. I have since been diagnosed with some lengthy name which essentially boils down to severe depression and have been told it is possible I may never fully recover. Over the last several years, this has embarrassingly rendered me incapacitated at times. Anyone with this degree of depression or loved ones who have seen it are often confused about what is happening to their mind. There have been many days I desperately needed to be working and contribute my fair share, but instead found myself paralyzed by the thought of allowing the stressors back in.

My wife and I have spent a tremendous amount of time and money with doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, and medicine trying to find the best treatment to get me productive or just functional when needed. At times I grieved immensely over the fact I was not able to pull myself together enough to meet my obligations. I can easily see how an onlooker would shake their heads with doubt. Healthy people may never fully empathize, and even those of us experiencing it can never explain it completely. Depression can bring the deepest despair and hopelessness, sometimes to the point of humiliation, which is exactly what such an individual does not need to add to their already existing problems.

In my instance, I have been jolted to a reality I was in no way prepared for….fortunately God was.

More on that next time.